Forgotten
by Music.Junkie98
Summary: A series of drabbles, mainly about events the occur after the Blight. Doesn't really have plot  except inside the chapters themselves  but can add insight to what Dragon Age, or any video game, can't give: thoughts.
1. Chapter 1: Regret

**Just a series of drabbles I wanted to do, popping at at random points during the day. Doesn't really add to the plot-line in the slightest, but could add insight to what possibly happened after the Blight.**

**Also, I haven't played the Awakening yet (yeah, I know, I'm a bad geek D: ) so there won't be any mentioning of the characters from that…I am deeply sorry. Would you expect a human sacrfice as an apology? No. That's what I thought. **

**A word of warning; there's a few character deaths, some sex. If that stuff bothers you, get the hell out of my story. **

**I don't own Dragon Age or any of it's characters. **

* * *

Chapter One: Duty

Funny. I had never realized how menacing the Circle Tower looks, towering over Lake Calenhad, which, in the direct noon sunlight, was a sparkling gem. Looks were deceiving, though. There were times when I still lived in the Tower, and when there was a storm brewing, and I glanced out the window, the Lake was dark, black, never-ending, and purely terrifying.

Despite the brightness of the day, to me, it still felt like I was in the middle of a hurricane.

I held my breath as I traveled across the lake, and opened the large doors of the Tower. My heart beat wildly. One would think I would be relieved to going home, without worry of gaining an army from them. Most of the rebuilding was done; it was livable. I, of course, couldn't help them rebuild. They wouldn't want my help.

Alistair would be fine on his own. He's a big boy now, and can easily lead Ferelden on his own, Sten had set out to go back to Par Vollen, Morrigan had disappeared, and Leliana had ventured out to find the Ashes, Oghren was settling down with Felsi, and Zevran was the only one I had left, which wasn't shocking, considering no one else really liked me all that much, and even then, Zevran was still at the Spoiled Princess. He offered to come along, but I told him I needed to do this myself.

I had to tell the truth.

"Gregoir!" I said with an urgentacy that sounded almost suspicious. "Where is Cullen?"

"He's by the stairs to the Senior Mage Quarters…why?" Good old Gregoir. He knew that every time Cullen saw me, he stuttered like mad.

"Don't worry about it." I retorted, nearly running to the library, ignoring the looks and even the congradulations on killing the archdemon, and stormed into the room where Cullen, looking both shocked and happy, now stood.

No one else was in the room. Perfect.

"S-Solona." He said. "What are you doing here?" I bit my lip, regretting what I was about to do.

"I have a confession to make, Cullen." I walked closer, and put my hand on his shoulder. "Please, tell me you won't over-react or do anything…rash."

"W-what? Why would I…?" he stuttered. I held up a finger to his lips.

"Just listen." I took a deep breath. "I always knew that you…thought of me before I went through with my Harrowing. You were the only templar that didn't act like I was scum or wanted me to 'break his vows'," I admitted. It was true-not all templars honored their vows. "I thought it was…endearing. Like I had a…protector." Damn it, stop blushing. "But when I came upon you before the Harrowing Chamber, what you said both shocked and shamed me, and before you jump to conclusions, hear me out. I didn't know you felt that way about me. I can only imagine what sort of 'visions' they tormented you with…" I chuckled.

"You don't want to know…not that it was anything bad; I would never think of you that why…" he clamped his jaw in anger at his own tounge. "I mean…I do think of you that way, every now and then, but I would never…" he gave a nervous chuckle. "I'm not like that, I…" he sighed, giving up. I laughed.

"Don't stress yourself, Cullen. I understand…but you might want to get rid of any of those feelings." I put my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look me in the eyes. "And it's not because we're forbidden to love each other Cullen. You know me-I wouldn't give a damn if the Maker himself came down and told me we couldn't be together. I wouldn't care. And it's not because I don't think that you're an amazing man…any woman would be lucky to have you, Cullen. You're caring, protective, loyal, and…extremely handsome." He began to blush like mad. "And it's certainly not because I didn't feel the same way." My heart was pounding and I could feel it in my head. My every instinct screamed at me to stop, but I'll be damned if I back out now. "It's because I'm…a blood mage."

The look on his face shattered me.

Shock. Betrayal. Sadness. rememberance. Resurfaced pain. Hatred.

"Y-you! You're a-a…blood mage." He spat the word with more vemon then I thought possible, and I fought bitter tears.

"Cullen, you have to understand…"

"NO! There's NOTHING to understand about blood magic! It's evil and wrong and the work of demons!" He roared. "I cannot believe that you, of all people!"

"Cullen, I had to! I'm a Grey Warden, and I had to be stronger…I only use the main concepts of it, and I've never used mind control or fiddled with demons, I swear. Darkspawn are helpless to blood magic, and my life was to kill darkspawn. Please, Cullen, you must understand duty!" I had meant it to be a yell, but it came out as a frenzied cry.

"No! You must understand that blood magic is vile and wrong!" He had his back turned to me, most likely too angery to face me.

"I understand that Cullen, I truly do!"

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because I had to! Do you think I could have stopped the archdemon by flinging a couple meager spells, and hitting it over the head with my staff? You are sadly mistaken!" I flung my hands into the air. "Grey Wardens do what they must, and since I was one of the two left Ferelden, I kind of had to take it to extremes!" I knew he would react like this, yet I came anyway. "Cullen," I grabbed his shoulder, and made him turn to me. "Cullen look at me…" I was surprised to see a tear welling in his eye that he quickly wiped away. "I am a fool. An unlucky fool. I am sorry."

"Neria." He said, breathless. "They're going to kill you."

"You mean…you aren't going to?" I was truly shocked. I expected having to tie him up with the rope hidden in my pack, or use some sort of magic on him he wouldn't expect. He had always put himself as a templar first. He had always been so dutiful and strong, but now…I guess he had reached his limit.

"No. I can't. Even if I did it…I don't think I could live with myself."

"You didn't stutter." I said hopefully. I reached up, putting my arms around his neck, and pressed my lips to his.

I had been wanting to do that for so long.

"Solona, you have to get out of here. I promise I won't tell a soul, but it's best you go. I…maybe we'll see each other again someday." He smiled hopefully. "I'll miss you. More then you know."

"Cullen…you're amazing. Thank you." I held him tightly for just one moment, hoping to savor it, and remember it for the rest of my life, but I did force myself away, and with a quiet, 'Good-bye,' I left the library.

I felt relativity calm as I walked down the hall, but all that calmness faded away as I heard someone yell, 'She's a blood mage!'

Within seconds, templars were upon me.

I had devolped a sort of awareness when things like this occurred. I noticed that Cullen had entered the room surprisingly quietly. I rememberd that I had two daggers hidden in my robe. I also noticed that I couldn't use any magic.

I drew my daggers. I had always carried them; they have proven useful on multiple occassions. It might just save my life this time.

Of course, two daggers were nothing against three armed men. They quickly disarmed me, but of course, I struggled like mad. Their hard armor bruised me and I felt as if I were being crushed. They had forced me into a position where my legs were pinned, my shoulders pressed against the stone floor, and my head being held up, my throat bared, but sadly, they had no way cut my throat.

"Cullen!" the one pinning me yelled.

"If you let go of me," I hissed. "I will surrender myself to Cullen, and only Cullen. Remember, templars. I defeated the archdemon." They sighed, and released me.

Cullen drew his sword, and he looked a mess. Sorrow and regret and pain and love shined through his deep, brown eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright Cullen." I coaxed. "I'm a blood mage. There are consequences."

Irving stumbled into the room at that moment, but Gregoir quietly explained that I was a blood mage.

"I am most disappointed in you, Solona." He sighed.

"Cullen…do it. I've completed my duty as a Grey Warden. I will die in peace."

"I'm so sorry." He apoligized once more. I mouthed the words, 'I love you,' to him, and to my surprise, aloud he said, "I love you to." He pulled me into his arms, and kissed me one last time.

I was taken aback. I assumed he would restrain himself, due to the other templars and Gregoir in the room with him, but I guess he didn't care.

I hardly felt it when the blade sliced my throat.

"And what was all of that?" Gregoir asked, suspicion evident in his voice.

"Gregoir, I loved her." I admitted. It felt good to finally admit it. For so long, I had fought it, but I did. I truly loved her.

Maybe it was what Solona had said. She was a blood mage, yet she was a hero. Not all blood mages are evil. Not all mages are evil. Maybe, just maybe, we don't need templars, because if we teach the mages well, then they don't need protection.

I knew what faced me, however.

Aeonar.

"Cullen…I did not expect this from you." Gregoir sighed.

"I didn't expect this to happen."

I gave myself up easily. I let them take me to Aeonar, because I didn't really care anymore. What point was there, when all that I thought was true turned out to be false, and the one person that could have possibly helped me was dead?

I cried many times. They ran together. Eventually, the days ran together.

But the image of Solona, still full of pride and power, as I sliced her throat remained in my head.

I had killed the hero of Ferelden. I had destroyed my life, and my mind.

And yet, I regret none of this.

**Cullen's a little out of character, but you can't really get anywhere with a yelling templar. **


	2. Chapter 2: False Hero

Chapter 2: False Hero

"Kallian, you're amazing!" Shianni exclaimed, smiling brightly. "I know I shouldn't stay it to your face, because it'll go straight to your head, but it's true. Are you sticking around for a while? You're staying for dinner, aren't you? You'd better! I'll weasel a bottle of wine from Alarith and we can catch up."

"You might want to get two-we have a **lot **to catch up on." I admitted with a slight chuckle. Shianni, even though she might have an addiction to alcohal, had been the one of the few people I trusted with my life. I knew she trusted me with hers, as I had possibly saved her and two other elves' lives, and now, I had stopped slavery in the Alienage, and forced the soldiers out. I was looked upon as a hero now, but I didn't feel like one.

"Your friends ok with us wasting time?" Shianni asked, glancing at my group, which consisted of Zevran, Morrigan, and Wynne, a strange mixture of people, yet they were the closest I had to family. Well…I hope Zevran isn't my family. That would be considered incest, and I wouldn't care, because I was as dependent on Zevran as Shianni was to wine. And that's pretty damn dependent. Morrigan and Wynne, though complete oppisites, were my closest friends.

"They better be." It sounded like a cross between a command and a plea.

"I love it when you talk like an army general." Zevran smirked. Shianni glanced at him with approval.

"He's different then Nelaros, isn't he?" she laughed. I forced away a pang of guilt that I knew I'd feel later. "You pick them good, cousin."

"I can see where she gets her outspoken nature…" Wynne observed.

"Come on! I'm sure Cyrion wants to talk to you. And Soris!" her eyes flashed. "He was a wreck when he heard about what happened at Ostagar. You _have _talked to him, right?"

"Of course!" Soris had been my closest friend when I was child, and he still is. At times, I still wish we were six, when we were playing make-believe, acting like we were dragonslayers and warriors and Dalish elves.

Funny. I had become two of those.

Shianni nearly dragged me to my old home, but I still had time to examine the Alienage. This place had been my entire childhood, nearly my whole life. It had seemed so big, back then, but after I ventured away from there…it seemed so petty, so full of pain and despair and sadness…it made me want to kill every racist human I ever had met, anyone who spat the word _'elf' _with the same hate they would say _'rapist.'_ The people here were so normal and caring…how could anyone want to hurt them?

"What's bothering you, dear?" Zevran asked, his thick and extremely alluring accent rubbing against my ear, at the same time his hand gliding aross my thigh and hand. After I caught my breath, I whispered in his ear: "I'll tell you later." He nodded, unable to continue the conversation as Shianni opened the door.

"Soris! We have a job to do!" Soris replied with a groan. "We have to serve them the finest cusine of the Alienage!" I snorted.

"Don't make Soris do it-I'll help." I offered. Actually, it would be fun to. I hadn't been here for so long, doing what was usually a chore sounded like it would be delightful.

"No, you just saved the Alienage, you get to relax." Shianni pused me down into a chair. I would have gotten back up, if I didn't think she would tie me down. Morrigan chuckled.

"When it comes to high dragons and werewolves, you have a will stronger then metal, but when faced with your family, you falter so easily?" she observed.

"High Dragons? Werewolves?" Cyrion gasped. "You have…much to tell us."

"That's not even half of it." I said while wandering back to my 'room,' which consisted of a bunkbed, that Soris and I shared, and a single bed that Cyrion slept in, and a trcuk that contained our extremely few things.

I bent down, and opened it slowly, my eyes searching it.

I reached my hand in, and pulled out a smooth, shining band of gold. Nelaros' wedding ring. I slipped it on my finger, and turned back to Soris, whose eyes were alight with curosity. He always wanted to slay dragons and the like, and he probably wanted to hear of his cousin's exploits.

Thankfully, we found enough chairs and all sat down at the dinner table. Shianni had pulled together a decent meal, for an Alienage, at least. A couple bottles of wine, bread, water, and scraps of meat that she found from who-knows-where.

In other words, it was perfect.

I told them of every detail, and listened to their gasps and laughs. After Shianni and I got a little drunk, we started talking about Zevran, which he throughtly enjoyed. I doubted he would do anything about it, however.

My hand reached up to meet my ear, which bore a gemmed earring that I twisted around for a few minutes.

"I'm gonna guess," Shianni paused to hiccup, "you have to go back to being a Grey Warden now."

"I probably do." I admitted, looking up at the sky. It wasn't quite there yet, but in a few minutes, the sky woulds begin to darken. Arl Eamon is probably angry. Oh well. He's just a human.

"After you stop the Blight, you have to come back, cousin." Shianni commanded. "It's been wonderful to see my hero again."

"Shianni, is that the wine talking?" I asked. She looked shocked. All the fuzzy drunkeness disappeared from her face.

"Of course not. Did you even hear all that you did? You're a hero, Kallian." She smiled. "Besides, Soris said so after you left."

I said my goodbyes quickly, kissing my father on the forehead, and left.

I almost felt it. I almost felt a rip as I left.

And I still had Nelaros' wedding ring on my finger. I saw Zevran glance at it, but he didn't do anything.

That night, at Arl Eamon's estate, Zevran and I were in my room after we explained everything to Arl Eamon. The Landsmeet would be called tomorrow, and this was the last night I had to relax.

Yet, I couldn't make myself relax.

"What is troubling you, my dear?" Zevran said, sitting behind me, massaging my shoulders. I twisted the ring around on my finger.

"Memories." I answered. "They called me a hero, but I'm not."

"And how are you not a hero?" He realised I was serious, and turned me to face him.

"You see this." I lifted up the ring. "On the day before I became a Grey Warden, I was to be married. It was not of my choosing-it was an arranged marriage." I paused, slowing my heart rate. "It was with an elf from a different Alienage. His name was Nelaros. We would have gotten married that day, but the Arl's son decided to…interude. He took me, another bride, and the bridesmaids to his estate for some 'fun.' He raped Shianni, and was probably going to do it to everyone else. He kept me in a different room, saying he was going to 'save me for last,' but Soris and Nelaros came. Soris gave me a sword, and you can guess what I did. Nelaros held back the guards, though, and he was unarmed…" my voice broke. "He died. I came in just a second too late to save him. I saved everyone else that day, except for him." Tears welled in my eyes. "He gave his life for me. And he didn't even know me."

Zevran put his hand on my cheek, and looked deeply into my eyes. "I can only hope to live up to his example," he said, wiping away the tear. I slipped my arms around his neck, and pulled him close.

Using his excellent flexabilty, in one second, he had me on my back, streched out on the bed, and he on op of me, gently kissing my neck. I released a low groan as he ran a hand down my torso.

There was a loud knock at the door.

"Kallian? There is something we must discuss…" Damn you, Anora. I chuckled.

"Just a moment!" I yelled, pushing Zevran off of me. "Don't worry. I'll be back. Eventually."

"You'll have to pay for this, you know." He purred.

"I intend to."


End file.
